The Discovery Channel

What happened to the discovery channel. It used to be about science, now they've got a bunch of red necks making alcohol in the woods.

Pessimism

A person says to his friend
"I wish I could be an optimist"
The friend says "well then be one."
The person says back, "I don't think its that easy." 

Take Your Meds

Remember to always be your self, unless your bugging someone then take your meds.

Lazy Friends

You know your friends with a group of lazy people when every time you call one of them they miss the call and the mail box is full.

Retired

I'm not retired I'm dislexic.

Fuck me!

The sounds of nature are mostly animals sex calls.
If they could speak english, or a language we could comprehend, walking through the woods would sound like a bunch if people yelling "fuck me!"

Out of context

I hate quotes
They're always out of context
That's a dangerous thing.
What if a quote was
"Never read..."
But it was taking from
"...while drowning."
In the complete context this is great advice. Out of context, not so much.
Its just dangerous to live your life out of context.

Materialism

I hate how people attach themselves, their identities, to things they buy.